Television is Evil, part II

I should have gone on with my thoughts before.

Why is television evil? Well, a lot of it is necessary evil. NTSC was required to be the vainglorious hack it is because the engineers were required to transmit something in colour that folks with black and white sets could still watch, thanks to the government. Because of advertising restrictions, a half hour show has a scant few minutes of actual story time - so rather than burn valuable seconds explaining that someone is a drug dealer, simply have a Mexican in a hairnet with hair like El Vez and a Casting Central chicano accent say "jew won some coak, mon?" It's like a racial commedia dell'arte, but we've replaced the old masks with new ones. Smartass mom, retard dad, visible minority hoodlum, harmless token visible minority (the black one is well dressed but still has hair with a bit of "flava", y'all), smartass bratty kid, bad cop, good cop... Also, to reach the widest possible audience, you're required to go no further than a preschool reading level in terms of words and complexity of storylines. Appropriateness for preschoolers, no. But at their INTELLECTUAL level, yes.

It's like constantly being stuck in a jump-cut, hyperkineticly edited world big on closeup shots of faces (which in a movie would be too "in your face") interrupted every few minutes by an ad for some gurning twit selling a pill that will supposedly make your penis grow bigger.

I see my kid watching TV and it scares the crap out of me. He's an active, intellectually curious kid, but the moment there's a cathode ray tube he immediately turns into a gaping mouthed vegetable. It's like an off switch and volume control all in one.

Not so fast, says you. Television isn't all mental bubblegum and some moron skateboarding off a ramp into a river in a bunny costume. Good point. People have tried to make educational shows. Shows about people building motorcycles or cooking. And yet, the de-evolution is visible almost immediately. The smart, interesting shows get cancelled or retooled. The initial idea of following a motorcycle builder in a step by step how-to show went awry when someone saw dollar signs at the thought of people watching fleshy lipped chimps throwing wrenches at each other. Likewise, the Food Network has gone from the science of cooking and some good names in gastronomy to - well, some creepy manly looking woman with a Joker smile throwing away all pretense of sanitation and proper knifework to babble on about EVOO and YUM-O.

Every other form of entertainment requires some buy in from the client. Dilbert did a comic strip about Dilbert putting down Dogbert's day watching television until Dogbert points out he learned to make a cake, watched a fascinating documentary, etc. while Dilbert sheepishly admitted to reading a pulp novel, if I remember correctly.

But Dilbert still had to put some mental energy into reading and understanding the words before his eyes. Until the movie came out people had their own ideas of what Bilbo Baggins looked like, the creeping Gollum, the majesty of the final fight. It played out in their heads and imaginations. Even watching a movie, you have to get your arse out of your comfy chair, pick something to watch, go to the the theater and consciously and actively seek it out.

Television is always around you, whether you actually have the set turned on or not. And once it's on, you're in a Choose Your Own Adventure world where if you want to see a stupid comedy with a dumbass dad, click 23. If you want to see a stupid comedy with a dumbass Latino dad, click 39. If you wanna see a stupid comedy with a dumbass black dad, click 44. Switch it on and switch off your brain. People actually fall asleep to the tube. Imagine going to a rock concert in your pyjamas envisaging drifting asleep to "Undercover".

But the biggest, most insidious thing about television is that it turns you almost entirely from a producer to a consumer. You watch what you're given. Even if you decide never to actually have hobbies, a life, leave your house or do something productive with your time, being a mouse potato means you at least get to talk back to others, to think critically if you can, or even at the very least find a destination from a broad array of choices, not those financed by the same two or three large corporations. You produce words others can read, think about and comment on.

And of course, every three minutes, you're pitched something new. Can't get off the goddamn couch? Hydroxycut. Can't get it up? Whatever you do don't stop smoking and exercise, pop the blue pill. Have a shit personality and can't get a date? Drink this beer. Whatever you do, don't make anything, especially life changes. Just carry on being the same lazy consuming bastard you are, watching stories that resolve cleanly in eighteen minutes and see everyone's problems solved by brand X fabric softener, the YELLOW pill, or calling 1-900-GET-CREDIT.

If I can try and get you to do something, anything.... decide today to do something. If you do stuff, decide to do something different. Look at our trade deficit right now. We suck from the world's teat and don't give back. We sit in our homes and let ourselves be told what to think.

- Go make something.
- Go learn something.
- Get better at something. Either a skill, like chess or drawing, or a trait, stretch to become more flexible or lift weights to get stronger. Pick something you have to do each day. Like playing scales on an instrument over and over to get the hang of playing better.
- Make a difference in someone else's life.
- Hug your kids and your spouse and renew your friendships.
- Get some fresh air and sunshine, and make your own meal.
- Try something new.

DO THIS EVERY DAY.
NOONE CALLS YOU THE NIGHT BEFORE AND TELLS YOU YOU'RE GOING TO CHECK OUT THE NEXT DAY.